Chapter 1 - My Masquerade

       Not that its really chapters by any means but if you're on here reading and you see the labels of Chapters then just assume I am going to be basically journaling for this bit. Ugh. Me writing a online blog it just seems absurd to me still, but I have to have some form of venting without being completely dependant on my social media page. I also can't be uber honest when I am on social media.


I feel like while on FB unless I am just in a shitty mood, that I wear a mask, and not even just one mask, but multiple masks. Some people on there know me from all my life, some are family, some are just people I have meet at different jobs I've held over the years, some are my best friends, and some are my closest family, but I wear a different mask for which ever group I am talking to. They're beautiful masks, but they're not quite fully me. I'm a little more raw then a Venetian mask. I'm constantly at battle with myself on the inside. It's not like I am unhappy, I just am not comfortable with how my life is just yet.

I'm getting ready to be hitting my late twenties and I have accomplished absolutely nothing in this life. I'm learning to wear the masks more and more, but I'm scared that when wearing these false facades, my false outward show could swallow me whole, and never let me go.

I don't want to lose me, but what if no one really wants me, maybe they all prefer the masks.