Chapter 3: Are you feeling lucky Punk?

      Good ole' Saint Paddy's day. As a child I thought it was just another pointless holiday, and guess what? It still is. Lmao. Bright side is as a meme going around FB says it gives adults who want to midweek binder a excuse. I'm just not a drinker. Now that I have quit smoking I definitely am not a drinker. Oh boy when I was a teenager I was a party fuckin animal. Times change, and so do people.


Besides it being St. Patrick's Day it has also became my hire date for Dennys as their daytime cook. I'm pretty fucking excited to start this rollercoaster ride. I just hope I can keep this job. My attendance is always great, but damn I hate people. At least I will just be dealing with co-workers and not guests. I think thats the reason I had my last job for almost a year was that I didn't have to be seen or heard from by the customers. It was a silent relationship, and I hope my new position at Dennys will be the same type of deal.


It's going to be odd being in that building and not thinking about old times with Thomas. He and I once came up with an entire horror movie idea while eating nachos waiting on Tony to get off work down the street at Rallys at the time. I also remember good times with friends from college there. Maybe the nostalgia will help me out.  He loved that job. Damn Charles for costing him that so many years ago. I often wonder if he had not been fired from Dennys back in 2012 maybe he would still be here with us, and not strumming the strings on heavens harp.


Wish me luck on this new endeavor readers. If any of you are following.

No pretty pictures this time. I want this to look classic journal like today.

jk here's one =)

Chapter 2: Crawling in my Skin

Ugh, Its been too long since I made a post but I really hadn't felt the need to share or even wanted to write anything. I've gained friends, lost friends, paid bills, fell behind on bills, fought with my boyfriend every day for stupid reasons. Just the average two months for now twenty three year old woman who hates life.







I shouldn't say I hate life, but I sure as hell have not been enjoying it for quite some time now. I can't quite pinpoint when I became so unhappy with everything. I've always been more of "My glass is half empty" versus "My glass is half full" type of person, but the last lets call it a year I just have not felt like myself. In the beginning I almost assumed that I was pregnant and I just didn't know it yet, but Mother Nature has continued to visit me for the entire year so that can't be the reason. I thought maybe I was falling out of love with my long term boyfriend, but I cry all the time regardless if it was him who upset me or not. So I don't believe it has anything to do with him. I also thought maybe I was just homesick for my friends,family, and hometown but to be honest I can't see myself ever being there again for long term.

I really don't get it. I just want to be happy and carefree like most girls my age, not being afraid to leave her own house, being a loser and not being able to have a job to pay my own bills without help. I'm just so tired of feeling like a loser because I didn't graduate college, and I'm tired of being unemployed for four months out of every year. It puts too much stress on Tony. My unemployment checks every week are a joke. Hell I have to just thru hoops for something thats not even remotely going to cover my bills, just so they can say I didn't fill out paperwork, or go to a meeting when I've been there every other day for a fucking month. Indiana is just a joke of a state.




I just wish that everything would feel semi real and not just a bad dream. I wish my parents really knew how bad off $ wise I am and actually cared enough to help. For that matter I wish my parents had the means to care and help me. More than anything I wish I was a better me. I wish I had the ability to control my own outcome of life. Where would I be if somethings were not predetermined for me?