I know you won't read this unless you're reading it over my shoulder while visiting me from heaven. I fucking miss you so much. I hate how things were left between us. For years you were my best friend, and we had so many good times, more good times than bad times even though I honestly still believe you died hating me. Why did you have to tell me that you loved me? Why? Why would you do that to me while I was just beginning my journey of life with Tony? You knew I loved Tony more than words could express, yet you still professed you're love for me while he was at work.
It's not like we didn't have a chance all those summers ago when we were eighteen and just met. I still remember when we first meet like it was yesterday. I thought I was too cool, and when you asked me for my number I told you to cut your hair first then to come find me. Sure enough you did. Months later at a party, while playing beer pong our eyes met, and history was made little did I know that I was actually in your apartment partying with Papa Mike. I still remember how you tasted on my lips. A softness that my own lips envied. I wanted more, and I know you did too. We never did make love, but we came close a time or two, but we didn't want to ruin our friendship so we started seeing other people. You were hurting at the time, and I couldn't commit to being your rebound girl after you lost Jamie.
I don't think I would had been able to live after the accident had things been different Thomas. Losing you as my best friend has hurt enough, let alone if I had lost you as my lover. I'm a totally different person now than at the moment of your untimely demise. I still dream that we adventure together. You would love the new Adventure Time seasons. We only got to watch the first season together with Brian and Dalton at the apartment. I still has the dishes you bought me, and it kills me every time I look at them and remember your grandma bringing them all the way from Haubstadt to us so we had things to eat on besides old dennys cartons.
I really hope that despite the fight we had, and you taking the rent money and running back home, I really just hope you didn't hate me as much as you wrote in your last email to me. I still refer to you as my best friend. You introduced me to some of my favorite bands. I still can't listen to Gotye, The Used, MCR, and many others without thinking of you. I remember when you thought five people on one guitar was just the coolest thing in the world.
I didn't want to keep your stuff Thomas, but what was I suppose to do when you just left me? You just left. You didn't say goodbye, this is the end or anything. You just left me, and it was the last time I ever saw you. Walking out the door with money to pay rent and you just fucking left me, but you get to hate me? I dont think that is fair! I would had given the mattress, tsunami, and your Zelda shirt back to you. I would have given you everything back Thomas. I would had given you everything once upon a time.
This is the end for now. I love you forever and always,
The girl who only snores without music playing
=) <3
No comments:
Post a Comment